I am a Luddite, and in no way an early adopter. But at the turn of the century my manager pushed me to join LinkedIn, which I did. Since then I have added many contacts but never found a job, a job lead, nor anything of value from LinkedIn. Recently a total stranger appeared in my in-box asking me to add him as a contact. Long ago I would have done so, but now I ask people “Who the hell are you, man?” This reply came shortly after.

 

“Dear Jackson Elder,

 

I would start by saying thanks for your response. How is your family doing? I hope okay. My proposal is very important, so please take the content of this mail very seriously. All I want is an honest business transaction between us. My name is Peter Squires: I am a citizen of United Kingdom working with Nat West Bank UK. I have been working here for 17 years.

 

I was also the personal accountant to Engineer Lex Elder who has an investment account with my bank with a huge sum of money in it. My late client was a chemical consultant to Royal Dutch Shell until his death in 2007 in a car accident in France while on sabbatical with his family. The accident unfortunately took the lives of his entire family, wife, himself, and both children, may their soul rest in perfect peace. He banked with us here at Nat West Bank, UK and his account has not been claimed by anybody. There was no will. There is about 9,649,400 Pounds Sterling in account. My bank and I have made several inquiries to his embassy to locate any extended family members but this has proven unsuccessful. I came to know about you through LinkedIn.

 

My bank has issued me several deadlines to provide the next of kin or the account risks escheat, now within ten working days. I contacted you to assist me in repatriating the funds left behind before they are declared unserviced by my bank. I am seeking your consent to present you as the next of kin of my late client; you bear the same last name. I will help you contact my bank and apply for the funds as next of kin. We must act swiftly to beat the deadline escheat date. Please get back to me immediately for us to proceed.

 

I propose that upon completion of this deal, we will split the proceeds 50:50. All I require is your honesty and full co-operation to enable this cool deal to go through. I guarantee you that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you and me from breaching UK laws. I want to also inform you that I am a very religious person and I cannot tell a lie because of my strong believes; I would expect the same from you.  I will attach my international Passport ID in my next mail for authenticity so we have equal ground for trust. If you are interested in my proposal I will send you more information on how we can claim the money successfully. If this proposal is alright by you kindly get back to me. The content of this mail should be treated with utmost confidentiality and a quick response from you will be highly appreciated.

 

Thanks for your time and do have a great day.

 

Regards,

Peter Squires.”

 

 

 

I’m closing in on 600 words, so this will have to be … continued … tomorrow, I promise.