I like to shower at our campground’s bath house. It’s far roomier than an Airstream’s phone booth, the hot water is unlimited, and I never have to empty its grey water tanks. I don’t even worry about beard particles sticking to Heartland’s lavatory, nor hair in the shower drain. Somebody else gets paid to handle that: now there’s a job that can’t be outsourced. Why not help him keep his job?

Hand soap is supplied too, so I use my Nivea Body Wash for shampoo and shower, but I rely on the campground’s liquid to shave. I am drawn to the clear, green liquid soap; I’m repelled by the stuff that looks like hand lotion. It’s been that way for months now. Today I got around to looking at the labels. The opaque stuff I don’t like was made by Dial in Scottsdale, AZ. I used to work for Dial’s former CFO, and he’s a good guy. His product is also subject to regulation by certain government agencies, and should that not suffice, a million personal injury lawyers stand slavering for the chance to gut that company for malfeasance or negligence of any kind. I kind of trust products bearing the Made in USA stamp.

The clear liquid which I clearly prefer and have been using is made by Johnson & Parker, complete with a J&P label in exactly the same font as Johnson & Johnson’s. But J&P is made in China. I noticed that today for the very first time, and yo, it rocked my world.

China has exported these things, among others, to the USA: 1) Dog food that killed some of the poor, trusting beasts who ate it, and damaged the kidneys of many more. 2) The Chinese have been caught adding stuff that boosts food’s protein test scores, but is dirt cheap, albeit poisonous. 3) They systematically applied lead based paint to toys for toddlers, knowing those kids put everything in their mouths, while happily aware that leaded paint is highly durable. 4) They sold Kat a set of solar powered exterior Christmas lights whose battery could not survive one Christmas off-season in total darkness, though that’s where all Americans stow their holiday decorations.

China has sold, to their own people, 1) fake milk powder as baby formula (causing heads to swell and bodies to wither), 2) soy sauce made from human hair, 3) vegetables with high concentrations of insecticides, and 4) poultry dead before slaughter from Avian flu. (Check WikiPedia.) The Johnson & Parker soap was my wakeup call.

If you think we don’t need the EPA, the Food & Drug Administration, or government in general, please reconsider. Chinese business is where ours would be, but for those Federal agencies and our legal system. As I write this I remember that my last batch of crawfish etouffee was made with frozen, wild-caught, Chinese crawfish. Were they caught in rice fields or river basins like here, or in sewers, or toxic waste sites? How clean are their packaging plants? And most importantly, why would a Chinese businessman care about my health at the expense of his profits?

I’ve had cancer once. Knock me in the head with a broom if I ever again invite it back by buying another package of Chinese crawfish.

Hey, you better start reading labels, too.